Diagnosis

I have Cancer?

I have Cancer!

I have Cancer.

I laid on the table while the Doctor slid a needle into my neck.  Did he say cancer?  I don't know what is going on.  My husband is in the waiting room.  Cancer.  I could see the needle penetrate the lymph node on the ultra sound.  God?  One of the Doctors held my hand and I squeezed so hard. Another needle.  Another Sample.  The Doctor patted me on the arm as he left the room.  One by one they left me to dress.  Tears.  Shaking.

The hand holding Doctor came back.  "Do you understand what he said?"  she asked.  I looked at her with tears, "I think so".  "It's completely treatable.  You're a strong woman, you are brave." she said
A nurse came in with juice.  Sort of like "Hey, you have Cancer...Apple or Cranberry?"

I composed myself and walked out of the office in a blur.  As soon as I saw my husband, I couldn't help myself. TEARS.  I cannot describe the look on his face.  He quickly held me up and rushed me to the car, knowing if I broke down it would be difficult to get me to the parking lot.  We stared at each other.

I asked my Mom to attend the next appointment.  I knew I wouldn't hear everything as my head was spinning.  The Doctor came in and said the needle biopsy was negative.  Thank God!  I can go home.  "I know you have Lymphoma." he said  "I just need to find it."  Huh?  I was in surgery the next day to have the lymph node removed and a biopsy of the skin on my shoulder.  The second Biopsy came back negative!  I went home to rest.

The next day, the Doctor called me directly and said the skin biopsy is not finalized yet but it was lymphoma.  What?  I chose not to believe it.  It's not certain, they are still testing, sending samples to other hospitals.  I'm good.  God's got this!  I don't have cancer.

The lymph node was removed on a Tuesday and the following Thursday I had a port inserted to start Chemo treatments.