This Guy

I am more than Blessed to share my life with this man!

From the time I was diagnosed with Lymphoma my husband, Ron, has been right by my side (or at least in the vacinity).  Ron had to overcome some anxieties to be with me during my diagnosis, surgeries, scans, and appointments.  He doesn't do well with doctors or hospitals, but he was there when it really mattered.

As my attitude and appearance changed, Ron never looked at me any differently.  Although I feel less than attractive, he makes me feel beautiful.  

Behind the scenes he waits.  Ron works tirelessly to make sure I have what I need or the kids need.  He makes arrangements for me to have someone praying for me or taking care of me when he can't be there.  

Ron keeps it real, by joking or teasing me.  He knows when I am feeling better, because I start to give him a hard time too.

I can only imagine how much stronger of a team we will be after this detour. 

Rebuilding

Cancer and treatments are both mentally and physically exhausting. Staying  positive can be difficult. Often times negative thoughts invade and I get a touch depressed.  I look to my family and friends to boost me up a bit.  Listening to K-LOVE helps.  I am blessed to receive gifts and cards in the mail.  They seem to come at just the right time. I think God has it planned that way.  Friends will get the urge to send a card right when I need it.  I wish I could contact everyone who has sent me a card to let them know that it truly helps my mood. I'm saving them to reread when things get iffy again.

This past treatment put me at the halfway mark for Chemo.  I had prepared myself mentally and had a better treatment with less pain and anxiety.  However, physically I was not ready.  My husband had treated me to a weekend in Dallas.  Sounds glamorous right?  Not so much, although it was fun to get away.  I'd never been to Dallas before.  It was business trip.  4am wake up and on a plane by 5:30am.  I was a mess thinking of the germ laced airport as I took of my shoes to go through security.  I worried that my port would set of the alarms so I carried my medial card and told everyone that I came in contact with.  I made it through with no problems.  Now on the plane, I touched nothing and wore a mask.  Landed in Dallas at 8am and off to breakfast.  Then to meet Clients at noon.  Drove to the Dallas Stadium by 1pm for a game.  Finally back to the Hotel by 8pm.  Straight to bed to catch an early flight home.  Totally exhausted, poor diet and then on to treatment.

I actually slept during this treatment.  My nurse, Shelia, was awesome.  Last time I had heaviness in my chest and difficulty catching my breath during treatment.  Shelia made sure she flushed me out to push the chemo meds through my body before starting another medication.  I was feeling good.  I went home after my 7 hours and had a hard time eating a meal.  The next morning I drank a Boost right away.  The rest of the day I ate little bits, but by dinner I was struggling.  Nausea settled in.  I went to bed early to avoid it.  By the next morning I was feeling terrible.  Drank another Boost and laid down.  I began making phone calls for help.  I had not gotten sick with my treatments yet, so I had no idea what would happen if I let myself relax and succumb to the nausea.  My Mom came to my rescue.  I spent the day in bed with a bucket.  Racing heart, difficulty breathing, weak.
During my time in bed, I slept when I could and prayed when I couldn't.  It got to the point that I just repeated "Jesus" until I could sleep again.

Along with a day in bed, I got a chance to think about what is happening with my body.  I feel as though I am being rebuilt from the inside out.  The Chemo is killing the cancer cells, but my good cells are also dying.  Think about having the ability to start over.  I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism after the birth of my second daughter.  I also have Hoshimotos Disease, which is a goiter caused by the thyroid.  My doctor told me that the Chemo will also cure my thyroid. Hmmm, a new chance at the thyroid.  A normal neck, better metabolism and no more medication.  The past few years I have had difficulty with my reproductive organs as well.  Pain, polyps, and heavy periods. I am noticing changes there too.  By the time this is over I will be completely new.  Illnesses will be cured and my blood will be clean.  It's a chance to take better care of myself.

Side Effects

Don't you just love those medication commercials?  Someone is walking through a meadow while a soothing voice explains the side effects to the miraculous drug that fixes your every problem.  A butterfly floats down onto the meadow walkers hand and the voice says "possible side effects include... mood swings, loss of appetite, horrible gas, and anal leakage.  Oh, but you don't pay any attention to that stuff because now the walker is laying next to a rainbow with puppies in their lap while a unicorn gallops in the background.  What side effects?

I have been trying to pay attention to the side effects of the R-CHOP chemo treatment I receive. Each one has it's downfalls but I am trying to find the good in them as well.  Here is a list that I have compiled at this point (1/3 of the way through).

1.  Hair loss-  Bad: People look at you strangely or with sadness in their eyes, they know
                       something is up but don't know what it is exactly.
                       Hats are hot when the weather doesn't cooperate with the calendar.
                       Good: No shaving!  My bathroom time is cut in half, not having to shave, shampoo,
                       condition, blow dry, and style. Not to mention the money saved on haircuts and color.

  Look at me saving all kinds of money on hair care products!

2. Change in taste- Bad/Good Things I usually like taste weird.  What I have eaten during my chemo

                                 treatment makes we want to gag after it's over.  I ate almonds and cherries my

                                 first time and I cannot even think of eating them now.  I always snacked on

                                 almonds.  After my first chemo all I wanted to eat was McDonald's (yuck and

                                 not the best choice) I think it was because I could taste it.  So I ate it during my

                                 my second treatment...Guess what I don't want anymore.  It's a win, win!

3. Mouth Sores-Bad: My mouth is drier than a popcorn fart for about 2 weeks following

                           chemo.  My tongue is swollen and white.  The back of my throat burns.  I bite the

                           insides of my cheeks and get sores.

                           Good: Only cold things feel good in my mouth.  Water does not cut it, so milkshakes

                           sherbet, Popsicles, and ice cream it is. 

4. Chemo-Brain- Bad: I'm not sure there is a good to this one.  It's often called a fog.  I have noticed
                              I am forgetting words.  I love words!  Vocabulary is fun for me and I can't seem
                              to remember simple words I always use.  My attention span seems to be shorter
                              or maybe I'm just bored. I get dizzy easy too.  Sometimes just turning my head too
                              fast will make me want to take a seat.

5. Tired, tired, tired- Bad: I can't do everything I want to do.  I like projects and staying busy.
                                    Good: Naps are awesome!

I'm sure the list will grow with each treatment and everyday changes.  I'm just glad at this point this is I am dealing with.  Prayers for those who suffer much more than I.