Cancer and treatments are both mentally and physically exhausting. Staying positive can be difficult. Often times negative thoughts invade and I get a touch depressed. I look to my family and friends to boost me up a bit. Listening to K-LOVE helps. I am blessed to receive gifts and cards in the mail. They seem to come at just the right time. I think God has it planned that way. Friends will get the urge to send a card right when I need it. I wish I could contact everyone who has sent me a card to let them know that it truly helps my mood. I'm saving them to reread when things get iffy again.
This past treatment put me at the halfway mark for Chemo. I had prepared myself mentally and had a better treatment with less pain and anxiety. However, physically I was not ready. My husband had treated me to a weekend in Dallas. Sounds glamorous right? Not so much, although it was fun to get away. I'd never been to Dallas before. It was business trip. 4am wake up and on a plane by 5:30am. I was a mess thinking of the germ laced airport as I took of my shoes to go through security. I worried that my port would set of the alarms so I carried my medial card and told everyone that I came in contact with. I made it through with no problems. Now on the plane, I touched nothing and wore a mask. Landed in Dallas at 8am and off to breakfast. Then to meet Clients at noon. Drove to the Dallas Stadium by 1pm for a game. Finally back to the Hotel by 8pm. Straight to bed to catch an early flight home. Totally exhausted, poor diet and then on to treatment.
I actually slept during this treatment. My nurse, Shelia, was awesome. Last time I had heaviness in my chest and difficulty catching my breath during treatment. Shelia made sure she flushed me out to push the chemo meds through my body before starting another medication. I was feeling good. I went home after my 7 hours and had a hard time eating a meal. The next morning I drank a Boost right away. The rest of the day I ate little bits, but by dinner I was struggling. Nausea settled in. I went to bed early to avoid it. By the next morning I was feeling terrible. Drank another Boost and laid down. I began making phone calls for help. I had not gotten sick with my treatments yet, so I had no idea what would happen if I let myself relax and succumb to the nausea. My Mom came to my rescue. I spent the day in bed with a bucket. Racing heart, difficulty breathing, weak.
During my time in bed, I slept when I could and prayed when I couldn't. It got to the point that I just repeated "Jesus" until I could sleep again.
Along with a day in bed, I got a chance to think about what is happening with my body. I feel as though I am being rebuilt from the inside out. The Chemo is killing the cancer cells, but my good cells are also dying. Think about having the ability to start over. I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism after the birth of my second daughter. I also have Hoshimotos Disease, which is a goiter caused by the thyroid. My doctor told me that the Chemo will also cure my thyroid. Hmmm, a new chance at the thyroid. A normal neck, better metabolism and no more medication. The past few years I have had difficulty with my reproductive organs as well. Pain, polyps, and heavy periods. I am noticing changes there too. By the time this is over I will be completely new. Illnesses will be cured and my blood will be clean. It's a chance to take better care of myself.
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