Mabel

For over a year now, I have been wanting a new puppy.  Our Boxer of 11 years died in 2014 and we knew nothing would replace Roxy.  We raised her with our kids, she was the best family dog ever.  I must of missed the smooshy face because I became enthralled with french bulldogs.  To me frenchies look like a mini boxer.  I had been "begging" for over a year for my own French Bulldog. When I was going through my diagnosis for lymphoma my husband began a search for a french bulldog.  There is a breeder near us, so he went for a visit.  While I was recovering from surgery he started texting me pictures of a cute little frenchie.  I just couldn't commit at the time, not knowing what my diagnosis would be and how I would feel.

A little while later with 2 chemo treatments behind me, I was getting lonely being around the house. I started wanting that puppy again.  I needed something to do.  Little did I know that my husband had kept in touch with the breeder.  I began looking up info on new puppies and chemo.  Many sites said not to get one, due to the potty messes and my low immune system.  I was so disappointed.  My husband encouraged me to call the doctor to see if it would be alright.

The next day I called multiple times to be sent to voicemail or the wrong department.  I was ready to give up when my husband told me to get ready to look at puppy.  What?  I've tried to call the doctor, to no avail.  He had called earlier and got the go ahead.  He also called the breeder and she had a puppy she had not advertised.  We went to see her and signed the papers.  The perfect frenchie, a fawn female, most likely the runt of the litter.  I know she was meant for me.

 

 Mabel makes me laugh everyday!

She snuffles and snorts.  Cuddles and snores,

On days when I don't have energy Mabel will lay with me on the couch.  Other days she follows me everywhere.  She is not high maintenance, and is incredibly patient for puppy of 5 months.

I'm not Complaining

About 5 years ago I made a decision.  One that would change my thinking, relationships and lifestyle.  I made a conscience decision to stop complaining.  It hasn't been easy I have stumbled along the way. Okay, sometimes I complain in my head.
I choose to look at the positive or ways to change the situation in order to lessen the want to complain.  Complaining is so negative and contagious.  I choose to separate myself from people who complain also.  I will either have an urgent need to leave the room or just not contribute to the conversation.

So, 4 months ago I was told I had Cancer.  Hmmmmm, good reason to start complaining?  Not really. I have been through 1 biopsy, 2 surgeries, and 4 chemo treatments and through it I all I have no recollection of complaining.  I could be wrong, with chemo brain and all.  So, I thought now was a good time to recap my side effects for all those who ask me "How are you doing?"  Usually, I believe, they can tell when I smile and say "I'm alright"  or "Today is a good day".  I don't want to complain, because there is truly nothing the person asking can do.

"I'm alright" generally means.  I'm wearing real clothes today!  I am able to shower without feeling like I'm going to pass out.  Smells make me nauseous. My vision is blurred.  My fingertips are numb.  My legs are weak.  I could use a nap.

"Today is a good day" usually consists of eating small meals.  Being upright the entire day.  I am able to do some chores around the house.  Everything in the above paragraph.

But, I am not complaining.  I am alive.  I wake up everyday to a warm house and family.  I have a loving and committed husband.  I have happy children.  I have food to eat and water to drink.  I have support of friends.  I have a God, who is healing me every day.  So bring it on! I'm not complaining.

Bring the Rain- Mercy Me

I Made Plans

I'm halfway through.  The middle.  I have felt great and began counting down the weeks until Chemo was finished. I had calculated Dec. 13th.  I had a goal, an end to look forward to. I went to see my Oncologist for a quick check in.  After my last treatment I was incredibly nauseous, so he decided to add an additional anti nausea medication to the 2 I already get during treatment.  Why not.  He looked me in the face and said 3 more treatments, a PET scan, a little radiation and you will be cured.  CURED!  I was pumped. Nothing was gonna stop me, December 13th here I come!

  After my weekly Chiropractor appointment I go the local hospital for blood work.  It was Halloween, my birthday, and and I was planning my next chemo treatment for the following day.  I was feeling great.  Then I got the call.  Doris, the nurse in the Oncologist office, called to inform me that my white blood cell count was too low for Chemo.  I would have to wait a week.  It was like she slapped me in the face, I was stunned.  I was feeling great.  I was counting down.  I had plans!  What can I do to increase my white blood cell count?  Seriously, what?!  Uh, nothing.  My body is fighting to keep up.

I felt frustrated.  I was planning to skip Thanksgiving in order to be finished with Chemo and feeling great for Christmas.  This was going to be a Happy New Year!  I began to worry about infection, due to the low counts.  I stayed home for the week.  If I was going to rebuild those cells I had to stay healthy.  I started pounding protein shakes like it was my job.  In the meantime the "depression" crept up on me.  I needed something to do to occupy my mind.  I lost ambition.  What was I going to do that I could get done in one day, because who knows how I'll feel tomorrow.  Why start then.

My Husband said it was God's way of letting us have the upcoming weekend, with me feeling good, to go to the High School State Cross Country Meet.  We would also be able to have Thanksgiving while I am feeling good and would have the energy to visit with everyone.

Those who do not know me, I like to keep busy.  I enjoy work. I am not a television or movie watcher.  I don't sit still very well.  So I get out of bed in the morning without a purpose.   I'm not working right now, because I cannot be in the classroom with the kids due to infection nor do I have a consistent energy level.  I'm afraid to go places because let's face it people are gross.  (yes, I said it.  Honestly, people cough and sneeze all over the place plus I have been in public bathrooms before and many don't wash their hands) I would love to do projects around the house, or start a new hobby, but like I said before I'm not working so money isn't available for that.  So, I clean the house and do laundry and occasionally bake.  It's getting old.  I wanted Dec 13th badly.  Being "sick" really messes with your head.

Proverbs 19:21 Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.

I need to focus on this aspect of my detour.  I am in God's hands and only He knows the reasons I am going through this.