New year, New ME

The day after Christmas.  The house is a mess.  Everyone got everything their little hearts desired and then some.  I'm tired of the house being out of order.  Furniture displaced in order to make room for trees.  Containers of sweets litter the counter tops.  New items to find room for.  Everything needs to be organized for me to feel comfortable.

This is the time of year you see stores full of organization totes, shelving and cleaning supplies.  Turn on the television and you find every diet company offering discounts on meal plans promising your first 5 pounds lost are free.  The latest get fit quick scheme is on the next channel, touting it's newest piece of equipment, with little or no effort at all on your part.  We all crave the new year as a way to get a fresh start a new beginning and change in our lives.

December 20th I finished my last round of chemo.  The day was no different than any other time I went to the Center.  I was prepped for my 8 bags of poison and my 6 hour day.  My Mom accompanied me as she has through all of the surgeries and chemos.  My body was tired.  I went though the usual gagging and nausea while I choked down my lunch connected to a machine. My husband stopped by for the last hour or so and the three of us quietly celebrated as I was "unplugged" from my last bag of chemo.  Tears of relief and apprehension for the next phase began to set in.

This Christmas did not feel like the rest for me.  I was unable to do too much as my body is weak and dealing with side effects of everything.  In my stillness (much time spent on the couch) I felt grateful that God had allowed me another Christmas and gotten me through these last 5 months stronger in my faith.  Thinking this way made me realize, my faith is strong however my body is not.  How will I be the hands and feet of Jesus if my body is not strong enough to make it across the room? 

With my chemo I gained about 10 pounds give or take.  It's what keeps me looking healthy, I think. I also lost a lot of muscle tone, not that I was in great shape when I started.   Thinking about how God had helped me through this phase of my disease I feel like I owe it to Him to get myself into shape.  Not for vanity, because with what I have been through I really don't care what I look like.  I'm alive.  Heavy or not, hair or not.  I feel I owe it to God to become strong in body to fulfill His plans for me. 

Now as I embark on this new journey to health, I only have to answer to Him.  I'm not looking for a quick fix, but a new way of life.